everything

comes to light

Answer and Question

Answer-
Because of a prayer I so often recite that I don't realize I'm saying it, that God is answering; "Dear Lord, please subtract from my life people who either don't mean me well or will or are preventing me from being who You and I want me to be, and please add to my life people who will be a blessing and will be of assistance to me."

Question-
why is it that some people I meet along the way I think are cool people and then as quickly as I get to know them they gradually fade away, yet I have friends with whom I have been close (like my best friend and others) for over 20 years?     

wednesday flashback... Groove Theory

I used to have this in heavy rotation

Listening to ...Al Green

                 

I have been young, and now am old; yet  "I have not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread."

 --Psalm 37:25  KJV

Once upon a time I had a new boss who did not like me. She found fault with everything I did.  I suspected she was trying to build up a case to justify firing me, so I prayed to God to find favor with me.  I also always ask my mom to pray for me as well. At the end of that bosses' probationary period, she was fired.

 "I have not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread."

 

What my mom says every time I tell her about a test and God gives me a testimony.

GPS

3
years ago today, I left my comfort zone (my family, friends, black culture) in milwaukee, wisconsin and moved to portland, oregon, accepting a job offer here. three different women in wisconsin, who didn't know each other, had the same prophecy for me, the words not exactly the same but having the same effect; "alieux, God told me your wife is there in oregon waiting for you."

3 years have passed. 4 of my friends have married, three of them are divorced and one is divorcing. I'm still single, and I haven't found my wife. God, whoever, wherever she is, please tell her where I am and lead us in the right direction, and while you're at it, please send friends my way with whom I'd have something in common culturally, thank you-

Listening to ...Anthony Hamilton

Then...it will all make sense

things could be better, in my opinion.

life sometimes doesn't make sense:

i'm often handed things with which I don't know what to do.

but one day all the small pieces will fall into place,

and when they do, I will see the whole, big picture.

and then,
and only then,
will it make sense.



love is the voice under all silences,
the hope which as no opposite in fear;
the strength so strong mere force is feebleness;
the truth more first than sun more last than star.

--ee cummings

while i wasn't reading Siddhartha

I was thinking about love and life , and looking forward to however God blesses me and whatever He blesses me with. I know it'll be something /someone I needed.


I was thinking about the gifts God has given me.
Life
Love
Family
Friends
My passion for writing
My passion for cooking.
Through one woman I was born and put up for adoption, but I was raised by another. My mother, who saw me and loved me immediately and wanted me when I was 11 months old.
I’m suprising her for her birthday in October. She’ll think I’ll be calling her from Portland Oregon to wish her a happy birthday, but I’ll actually be driving from the airport in Milwaukee Wisconsin to her home. She lives 20 minutes away. While talking to her for a while, she’ll have to put me on hold because someone is ringing her doorbell, and it’ll be me-

Friday Flashback--Stephanie Mills/ Teddy Pendergrass & Johnny Gill

in the past 36 hours i have...

slept 10 consecutive hours
written 3 poems
seen 3 french films

sat still and and listened to silence for 5 very long minutes
met a friend for lunch at a hawaiian restaurant
been inspired to be more productive
closed a life lesson
hoped
filled out loan applications for architecture school
been complimented by 3 4 different women on the cologne I wear
 baked 2 cakes and had one shipped to Kuala Lumpur Malaysia and another to Lisbon Portugal per request

if you ask me what i did over the summer i'll tell you that i chased happiness, having only held bits and pieces of it in my hands. i'll also tell you i was arriving, praying that when i get to each place in life- may i arrive fully.

i'm thankful for everything. i am. i’m thankful for every part of my day, and for each day. for each moment. that joy thing- has been a fall winter spring summer project.

The equinox

as of 3:09 this morning;

Summer;
I know I only borrowed you.
I know I had to give you back. Just as you have to give Winter back to me.

But can't I have you forever?

PLEASE?

Be of love a little more careful than of anything.

e.e.cummings

Listening to...Tweet

if the answer is yes

               "She's sometimey"

     A term my mom uses to define someone who sometimes acknowledges her existence and other times doesn't see her at all though there's no excuse for not noticing her unless it's intentional.
     I was going to  lunch with a friend at work last week and we saw someone walking down the hallway that I knew. As I raised my hand to wave hello, I notice her almost breaking her neck trying to look in the opposite direction as she walked past us. I had hoped my friend didn't see me waiving at someone who was ovbiously trying to avoid me, but he did.
"Alieux,  did you know her?"
"Yeah. She works in sales. We email each other all the time."
"Are you sure you know her?"
"She sometimey."
" I never heard that phrase before, but I think I know what it means."

 Are you sometimey?

There is essentially no difference between a physical blindness and a self-induced psychological blindness, that is, closing one's eyes to reality. 15 century book "Path of the Just", by Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto

Some janet this morning

on a personal note-  i had an epiphany.i realized recently that i don't have to feel bad about saying no. other people say it, and they let it roll of their tongue like butter.  i'm going to use that word with the frequency that it's being used towards me. i used it today, and it felt good. 

Someone who doesn't exist.

This is the composite sketch the Vancouver Police Department released after Bethany Storro said she was attacked by a black woman. But she doesn't exist.

The Bethany Scorro (BS) situation is an example of  when the media rushes to judgment. 

 Vancouver Police Chief Clifford Cook told The Oregonian that police questioned several black women matching the description of the alleged attacker before they discovered Storro made it up. "This society has a tendency to want to believe that all crime is done by African-Americans," Margo Bright, president of the Vancouver chapter of the NAACP, told the paper Thursday.

The Columbian newspaper in northwest Washington wrote that plenty of people have a right to be upset with Storro, including "Vancouver's African-Americans, who are troubled that Storro described the woman who supposedly attacked her as black." Weeks earlier, The Columbian had included Storro's description of her alleged attacker as a "black woman," as did scores of other news organizations, including this one.
One AOL News reader wrote to express his frustration with the story. "You just bought her story, hook, line and sinker," Henry Haynes wrote in an e-mail. "And of course the criminal this woman dreamed up was black."
Roy Peter Clark, a senior scholar at the Poynter Institute, a research center for journalists, said the case recalled another in which the race of the accused attacker played a misleading role.

In 1994, Susan Smith, a 23-year-old white woman, drowned her two young sons by driving her car into John D. Long Lake in Union, S.C. For over a week, she claimed a black man had hijacked her car, and she went on national television to beg the unidentified black man -- who did not exist -- to return her children unharmed.
"This is another cautionary tale for journalists, for law enforcement people, for judges and prosecutors, for people in the medical field who take care of victims," Clark told AOL News today in a phone interview. "All of us can learn some important lessons about rushing to judgment even when the evidence appears to be overwhelming."
Years before, in 1989, Charles Stuart, who was white, claimed a black man had shot and killed his pregnant wife, Carol, during an armed robbery in the Boston neighborhood of Mission Hill. Stuart was severely wounded as well. Months later, it was discovered that Stuart was the likely killer, but not before police had arrested William Bennett, a black man, in connection with the crime. Bennett was later cleared, but the case inflamed already tense racial relations in Boston.
Stuart committed suicide in 1990.
Sponsored Links Bruce Shapiro, executive director for the Dart Center for Journalism and Trauma, said reporting on these kinds of stories can be difficult. "When you have a credible victim and police sources who believe the victim, it presents a complicated dilemma for reporters. Because when people have terrible things happen to them, we generally believe them," he said.
On NBC's "Today" show this morning, Schuman said Storro is "very remorseful" but could face criminal charges for lying about the incident to the police and for prompting an "incredibly expensive" investigation that "wasted a lot of valuable resources."
                                          --courtesy AOL news.com

i'm here

I just saw this movie last night again. Still my favorite of all movies

Shug: More than anything God love admiration.

Celie: You saying God is vain?
Shug: No, not vain, just wanting to share a good thing. I think it pisses God off when you walk by the colour purple in a field and don't notice it.
Celie: You saying it just wanna be loved like it say in the bible?
Shug: Yeah, Celie. Everything wanna be loved. Us sing and dance, and holla just wanting to be loved. Look at them trees. Notice how the trees do everything people do to get attention... except walk?
[they laugh]
Shug: Oh Miss Celie, I feels like singing!

Up in flames

Dear friend:

         While I do appreciate your love for me,

          It

          has taken on

          a different

          form.

          Frustrated.

         Unrequited;

         what was once

          a

          small  sparkle in your eye

          has now

          spread

          like a fire,

          growing.

          expanding its boundaries.

          consuming          everything                     in          its       path.

          nothing is left behind.

          not

          even

          me.

                                               --from Soultight,  by Alexgeorge

Flash Back Friday- Switch, & GQ

Time for some--Anthony Hamilton

I'll take Crazy for $500, Alex

   Again, a black person (usually a man, now a woman) is blamed for these these horrific crimes, only to be discovered that these women pointing the fingers are both the victim and the perpetrator. This particular story disturbs me on so many levels. I am glad however, to know that there isn't a black female acid-thrower out there, looking for 'pretty' women to disfigure. Do they think they would garner more sympathy and anger if they accuse a black person of the crime? 

28-year-old Vancouver woman admitted today that she threw acid in her own face, severely burning herself Aug. 30, Vancouver Police Chief Clifford Cook said this afternoon.

Click  here for the rest of the article

Happy Birthday B B King

Man is the only animal for whom his own existence is a problem which he has to solve.

--Erich Fromm

They smile in your face

Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them.

-- Samuel Butler

I'm sorry, did my back hurt your knife?
--Author unknown

It

When I get there



I wonder how I will react when I’m finally content (Will I recognize it when it arrives? Will I know what to do? I know I won’t take it for granted. Will I hold it so tightly it will feel smothered and will want to leave, or will I place it on so high a pedestal that it would leave for fear it would let me down? Assuming it was looking for contentment as well, will it recognize me as well? Will it know what to do to keep me?) ?


So many questions.

Memory Lane (3-12)

"there's always a rainbow at the end of every rain."
                             --Prince

What a wonderful story about a mother's love and her touch! Click here

Remember this... Caron Wheeler & Sybil

Don't

Symbolic

Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you.
--Luke 10:19   Kjv

Black Americana (read between the lines)

BLACKbook.

BLACKcat.

BLACKeye.

BLACKflag.

BLACKlist----

                       ---BlackMALE?

BLACKmagic.

BLACKmail.

BLACKmarket.

BLACKsheep.

BLACKtuesday.

whiteLIES.

-- from Soultight, by alexgeorge

I loved words even when I was a little boy. I know this is strange, but as a child, I used to read Webster's dictionary after I did my homework.  When I was 10, I had read it from cover to cover. 
Neither could my mother nor my english teacher explain to me , once I got to the prefix  black- why the definition was always negative,  but the definitions with the prefix white- were always positive. Hence, this poem I wrote when I was 11.

Christian Poem

I

deliberately

placed

one

error

in

thYs

poem,

because

only

God

is

perfect.

I chose the letter Y for my error because it resembles a person (Jesus) with arms spread upward.

Flash Back Friday-Luther Vandross & The Whispers

The truth

I saw myself, a little bit, in what she had to say--

towhomitmayconcern

Sometimes you get all tangled up in other people's problems.

Their worries have become your worries. 

Y?

My friend Faisreh took this picture of Jewish and Palestinian friends in Israel, playing like they didn't have a care in the world. But they're not supposed to be friends. Right? 

"May you replace ease with effort;

may you find joy in always scaling new mountains;
may you never rest from your pursuit of knowledge and your desire to always be a little bit better than yesterday and a little bit less than tomorrow,
may you find the peace of being a whole human being. Shalom."

-- farewell greeting by Rabbi Benjamin Blech

this was on a postcard she sent me. i love it and had to post it

summer's almost over :(

i feel like a party

Miles Maeda-Tell me why
Jody Watley-Your love keeps working on me
Izza Kizza-They're everywhere
Prince-Bob George
Miles Maeda-Bell Boogie
Miles Maeda-A little bit of magic
Busta Rhymes-Breathin like that
Busta Rhymes featuring Mary J Blige-There's only one
Janet Jackson -Throb
Busta Rhymes-Do my thing
Squarepusher-The exploding psychology
Lord Have Mercy-Holy Water
Bahamadia-Beautiful things
Me'shell Ndgeocello-Diggin u (like an old soul record)
Bjork-Army of me
Bjork-Innocence -remix
Jay-Z-Venus vs mars
D'Angelo-Chicken grease
D'Angelo-Devil's pie LIVE
Prince-DMSR
Faith Evans-You gets no love
Diana Ross-Love hangover
Busta Rhymes-What it is right now
Faith Evans-Brand new man
Nas featuring Chrisette Michelle-Can't forget about you
Erykah Badu-The healer
J Dilla featuring Common-E=MC2
Andre 3000-She lives in my lap

etc

The assembly

as i type this, my love is most likely in the process of being custom-built. i don't want it to be premature. i know it's taking a while, but I'm in no rush to get something that's not ready. I thought it was ready for me, a few times in the past, but it wasn't. God is making sure the dimensions-the length, width, and height, the place, the strength, the finances, and the circumstances of it is to His liking.

some people are in a rush. 

they end up having regrets, having kids they don't want or shouldn't have, getting divorced or they get stuck and can't get out.
God knows I want my love and my soul mate to be synonymous.

...and the last shall be first

On a personal note--- thinking  (after feeling good that you said you had to confide in me about something sad that happened in your life, the part I hate the most about the whole thing was that you told everyone else and commiserated with everyone else a week before you told me):

 I'll pretend to think you think highly of me since your actions are speaking louder than your words and now that I know what I know. And I've given myself permission not to be affected, not to care as a result.

 

moving day

sometimes you have to walk away when you've done all you can but the love has basically been pronounced dead and as such, has stopped working on your partner's behalf.
or your own.

The now

I wish time had told me not to take it for granted. In my old age (47), I savor every minute of it. I also wish I knew the truth about people and the meaning of good and bad intentions when it was necessary.


Time didn't say "you should enjoy yourself now, because we're going somewhere soon,"

  but that's what he meant.

the seeing without being seen

every chance I get, I try to make new connections  while maintaining current connections.

Some are misconnections, and most are disconnections.
--alexgeorge

S. Aziz's wedding

BS Detector

I love technology. I love how it helps you to do things faster. I love how it helps you to do what might normally take 5 people to do. I love how it helps you to be more effective at your job and reminds you to do things that are important. I have my Microsoft Outlook set up at work to let me know when the emails I send to people actually arrive to their in-box and when or if they are opened. That way, someone can never tell me they didn't receive an email from me if I know when it enters their in-box.

It also lets me know if emails I've sent have been deleted without being read.

3 months ago my friend Taylor invited me to a house-warming party where I met a woman named Adina. I thought we clicked well. We talked to each other the whole night. We seemed to have alot in common. Everytime we lingered elsewhere to talk to other people, we always seemed to gravitate right back towards each other. We talked and laughed and exchanged numbers and email addresses and even made plans to meet up the following weekend. We were the last 2 people at the party before Taylor hinted that we should leave. Adina said she was traveling out of town early in the morning and would be back Sunday night, so we said our goodbyes at her car door when she drove away.
The monday after after the party, I called the number she gave me and I got the following message
This is not a working number. Please hang up and try your call again.
I called the number again and got the same message.

Then I emailed her, telling her it was nice meeting her, and that I was looking forward to seeing her on saturday.

Your message was deleted without being read on Monday, April 05 2010 11:03:10 AM

I wanted to assume it was an accident, but I didn't want to appear too eager and so I waited until Thursday to re-send the message to confirm I would see her.
This time Microsoft Outlook informed me that she opened it and deleted it five minutes later.
That was 4 months ago. I had forgotten all about it.
Tonight I was at a dinner party with another set of friends. I was introduced to guess who?
Adina. Some guy had returned with two glasses of wine. He handed one to her.
Adina: Oh my God, Alieux, you know Claire?
Me: yeah, I do.
Adina: Small world! She's my sister!
Me: (I didn't even respond)
Adina: Long time no see. How have you been?
Me: I've been good.
Adina: I thought about you. We were supposed to hang out sometime. Why didn't we?
Me:You gave me a wrong number.
Adina: (looking dumbfounded) I did. Are you serious?
Me: You know you did. It wasn't even a working number.
Adina: What number did I give you?

Me: I don't know now. I threw it away. It was 4 months ago. I called the number twice and got the same message.

Adina: Maybe I transposed a number by accident.

Me: Yeah, uh huh. I emailed you that following Monday after your trip.

Adina: You did? I didn't get an email.

Me: You deleted it without reading it.

Adina: I get tons of spam, and sometimes I delete stuff I don't mean to delete.

Me: I had sent you another email that following Thursday. You opened it, and five minutes later you deleted that one as well. Oh, and by the way, Taylor said the number you gave me was no where similar to the number she has for you.

If  Adina was white, she would have been red in the face. She looked at me, opening her mouth as if to speak but no words came out, so she closed it. She knew she was caught. She was probably surprised that I let her know she was a liar rather than to just think so.

I was going to add something else but I thought that what I said was sufficient.

The guy she was with, was obviously upset about it too. I figured she must have met him at the party and he didn't want to waste time with someone who might give him false contact information at the end as well. He walked away from her, shaking her head, as I stood there, looking at her, glad to able to confront her after all this time.

if the answer is yes

You always believed what you saw. Until you learned to believe what you felt.

Do what you feel is right and you will always be doing the right thing.

...

may u  try and try and try and try and try. and try and try and try. and may u be the person u're to be and may love come and kneel before u.
 may u arrive fully
--alexgeorge

heard this song this morning

i have to admit i like it.

The pessimist complains about the wind;
the optimist expects it to change;
the realist adjusts the sails.

~ William Arthur Ward

Which one are you?


This is a repost

Flash Back Friday-Mint Condition & TLC

Note to self

the blink of the eye

One problem with gazing too frequently into the past is that we may turn around to find the future has run out on us. ~Michael Cibenko

song in my head this morning

Dead Weight

Some times we hold on to things in the hope that one day we may fit into them again, but life is like a closet. There are some things you keep.There are other things you've been holding on to that you need to  throw away if they don't fit anymore.

Some people hold on to clothes that are too small for them, hoping to lose enough weight to wear them again, but times change, and styles change, people change,  and needs change.
                      --alexgeorge

Are there things (or people)  you're holding on to, that you need to throw away?

I am here for a purpose and that purpose is to grow into a mountain, not to shrink to a grain of sand. Henceforth will I apply ALL my efforts to become the highest mountain of all and I will strain my potential until it cries for mercy. --Og Mandino

I would like to think I am here for a reason. I don't know if it's to be the father or grandfather or great grandfather of a son or daughter who might discover the cure for Cancer or  Aids or something as a simple as being a friend to someone in time of need. Or to make people happy with my poetry or my baking.  Whatever it is, I hope that, like Erma Bombeck says, When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me".