The Unreality

“I sat, drinking vodka from a 24 oz glass, on the patio and I watched a baby drown."
"You did what?" Said a voice on the other end of the phone. “Why?”
“Because I couldn’t swim, and I heard that babies have no fear of drowning. I wanted to see if the baby could float. Don’t they move around in their mother's womb while they’re fetuses?”
“Who’s baby was it?”
“It was the neighbors' kid. They were desperate.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, they know I’m a recovering alcoholic. Well, I used to be. Was sober for 7 years, until they gave me a bottle of Russian Vodka. They left it on the kitchen table with a note, saying 'thanks for taking care of Julian for us at a seconds notice. We’ve left you this bottle. Enjoy!'”
“What happened to the baby?”
“Do you realize how much I love vodka? How much I missed it?”
“What happened to the baby? Did he or she survive? Please tell me you jumped in the water to save the baby!”
“I can’t swim.”
“So, the baby died?”
“That’s what I thought I saw, faced down in the pool a few minutes later, but I had fallen asleep. Or maybe I had passed out. I don’t remember, but it was night when I had awakened to the sound of a baby crying, and I got up. I had that this headache that was kicking my ass, and I staggered as I walked. I could hardly make it in the house.”
“What happened?”
“I carried the empty bottle with me inside the house and I went to the bedroom, and there the baby was, crying in his crib. I hadn’t let the baby drown after all. But it seemed so real. I went back out to the patio, because I recalled seeing a baby faced down in the pool earlier today.”
“You don’t remember, do you? You were a little boy at the time.”
“What are you saying?”
“ That’s what almost happened to you, when you were five months old. I was sitting, drinking vodka from a 24 oz glass, on the patio and I watched you almost drown. You mother had come out of the house at the time, with a tray of sandwiches for us. She saw you, she dropped the tray and she dove in the water to save you.”
“Why didn’t you save me?”
“Because I couldn’t swim. I still can't swim, and I heard that babies have no fear of drowning. I wanted to see if you could float. Don’t babies move around in their mother's womb while they’re fetuses?”

The end