an education

At my age, I’m still learning about myself and my relationship to other people. I’m glad to know that I still have something to learn, though I wish I had learned it twenty or thirty years ago. I know, some people learn this early in their lives. I’m a bit of a late-bloomer in this regard. My sister learned it, and she’s younger than me. Since I was a child, it’s always been important to me that I’m loved and appreciated by everyone I meet. I was the good kid. I was the one child that never caused my mother a single minute of heartbreak, and I’m proud of it. My mother still brags and testifies that fact in church, and to friends, new and old. It’s in my Dna; it’s affected my behavior, and up until recently I’m discovering that it also affects the way I’m treated in return, with some negative results.

Because my mother drilled in my head, Bible verses about ‘honoring thy mother and thy father’, and ‘you reap what you sow’, etc., as a child, I was actually afraid of two things. Disrespecting people, and being accused of disrespecting people. I went out of my way to be good. I have cousins that have been murdered or have served jail sentences, and they have caused their mother nothing but heartache. My mother always told us that her cousin (their mother) caused her mother heartache as well, ‘and she’s reaping what she had sown.’ I have always tried to be the best son, the best grandson, the best brother, the best uncle, the best human being that I can be. While being the best has the advantage of being appreciated by some, it causes resentment by others. Being ‘the good one’ causes resentment because it forces parents to verbally compare children. I used to cringe at the question asked to my sister; “Why can’t you be like Alieux?” This did nothing to better my relationship with her.
In some cases my being the best, the nicest, or the coolest, is completely disregarded or overlooked altogether or has been used to the advantage by some. My sister has always spoken her mind, whether it was hurtful or not. If it was in her heart, she would say it. She also has no problem saying no. I envied her, sometimes.  I often hear the phrase “ (insert name here) is so cheap and selfish, but Alieux, I know you’re going to help me. You’ve never let me down.” Even if I wanted to say no at that point, I was set up to say yes.
What I’m learning is that just because you’re the best, or the coolest person, that doesn’t entitle people to react accordingly. People will treat you the way they want to treat you. This used to upset me. I guess I was naïve.
I have discovered recently that I have been focusing too much on other’s opinions of me and none of myself. But that’s over. With age comes wisdom. I’m still going to treat people the way I would want them to treat me. I’m not going to bend over backwards anymore, and I’m not going to concern myself with why someone doesn’t like me though I’ve been good to them. I’m going to be good to myself. And I'm going to say no, if that's what's in my heart.

But I'll wait until after Christmas!