Peace

I've made peace with the possibility that I will not find love in this life, and that I will die as I have lived-not wanting to be alone, but being alone and not by choice. What comes so easily for others has been unatainable for me. In 3 weeks I will be 58 years old. If it's been hard this long, I can't imagine it will suddenly become easy. I can't imagine that a younger woman will want to date or marry a man my age who wants kids. I'm just being realistic-though it doesn't mean I've stopped trying. I was talking to a friend a few years ago, a biblical scholar who has studied not only the Bible, but also the Q'uran and the Torah. She was telling me that the idea of reincarnation was desperately expunged from the Bible by the Catholic church.

Though I'm a Christian, I've always wondered about reincarnation. If there is such a thing as reincarnation, then I'm convinced my next life will be much better than this one. I say that because I'm such a good person-or at least I try to be. I'm loving, I'm giving, I'm thoughtful, I'm kind, I'm not argumentative. I try to be as friendly and as thoughtful and as cool a person as I could possibly be, and hopefully my next life will be my reward. so I'm basically biding my time until God is ready. I'm also convinced that this life is due to how I may have lived and treated people in a past life.