When Or If?

 Dear Lord,

I've been sowing Good all over the place. 

I've bent over backwards 

all my life,

disregarding the bad things 

done to me

said to me

and about me.

I've been 

too good 

to every1

intentionally

&

I've been watching good things happening to them 

& to other people 

while life has rushed

passing me by-

                             I blinked

and suddenly 

I am too old to achieve the things I've been praying for.

the goals I've been trying to attain.

Dear Lord,

I've been sowing Good all over the place.

will my rewards

(if any)

be received in this life

(

or

the next   ?    )

I'm  good in this life.

Was I that huge a monster in past lives 

to warrant the life i'm living 

in this life?

I apologize Dear God-

please forgive me