Note to Self- Practicing Detachment

 

It’s likely we’ve all been on the receiving end of a hurtful remark at some point in our lives. Maybe it was a careless comment from a friend or family member, or perhaps something more purposefully cruel from someone we don’t know well. Whatever the case, in the moment these words can cut deep and make us feel small, embarrassed, or ashamed.

When confronted with hurtful remarks, it’s natural to want to react or try to defend yourself. But fighting back often escalates the situation. There is a different approach you can take to help diffuse the pain of the moment and prevent lingering hurt - practicing detachment.

What is detachment? It means separating your emotions from the offending words or actions of another person. Detachment allows you to step back and view the remarks more objectively, without taking them so personally. It’s understanding these comments likely have little to do with you, and much more to do with the other person.

Some ways to practice detachment when faced with hurtful remarks:

• Recognize the comments stem from the other person’s issues, wounds, or projections - not your own flaws or worth. Their words are informing you about their state of mind more than your value.
• Don’t try to argue or convince them to see your point of view. Chances are high they are speaking from an emotional reactive place, not an open-minded space.
• Don’t dwell on the remarks or exaggerate their meaning. The urge to ruminate comes from making it personal. View it as impersonal behavior happening at that moment, which you happened to witness.
• Use protective mental images such as an invisible shield around you deflecting the hurtful words before they can sink in. Or imagine yourself as a mountain - solid and unmoved by passing storms.
• Affirm your own value. Remind yourself “This comment does not define me or my worth.”

With practice, detachment allows you respond calmly in the moment, without compromising your boundaries or feeding into the dynamic. You recognize the other person’s cruelty or carelessness says far more about them than it could ever say about you. Your sense of self remains intact.

Does detachment come easy? For most of us, it requires diligence and conscious effort. But it is a invaluable skill that helps diffuse conflict and protects your spirit from toxic barbs. With time, you can learn to let the hurtful remarks of others simply bounce off the shield of your own inner light.

-me

Currently listening to  J Dilla - Beat 27 (Another Batch)