Me and myself for once

Sometimes you don’t realize you are actually drowning when you are trying to be everyone else’s anchor. -Anonymous 

 It's going to be difficult because I was raised to make sure everyone was happy at my expense, but from now on, I'm going to make myself a priority and commit to my own happiness.

Seriously,

If it wasn't for my kitty Vanity,

or the existence of Halle Berry

or my love for music

or books

or my sisters,

my love for the cities of Paris

and Toronto;

if it wasn't for my hope to visit The Dominican Republic

and West Africa one day,

if it wasn't for my belief that it is the only sin that can not be forgiven,

aint no way in hell I would plan to wake up one of these mornings

especially not tomorrow morning

on my 60th birthday.

Seriously.

When Or If?

 Dear Lord,

I've been sowing Good all over the place. 

I've bent over backwards 

all my life,

disregarding the bad things 

done to me

said to me

and about me.

I've been 

too good 

to every1

intentionally

&

I've been watching good things happening to them 

& to other people 

while life has rushed

passing me by-

                             I blinked

and suddenly 

I am too old to achieve the things I've been praying for.

the goals I've been trying to attain.

Dear Lord,

I've been sowing Good all over the place.

will my rewards

(if any)

be received in this life

(

or

the next   ?    )

I'm  good in this life.

Was I that huge a monster in past lives 

to warrant the life i'm living 

in this life?

I apologize Dear God-

please forgive me