Embracing Kindness and Karma

 I strive to be a good person, partly because it feels natural to me, but also because I fear I might not have been good in my past lives. I’m convinced that this life is a form of karmic punishment for mistakes I made before. No one can convince me otherwise; every single aspect of my life is shitty. Maybe I took advantage of my parents or took them for granted. Perhaps I mistreated the women in my life—my wife (or wives) or girlfriends. If I had children, maybe I didn't give them the attention and care they deserved. I’ve probably broken hearts, been selfish, or lived  ( and ate) recklessly. Maybe I was the life of every party, wealthy and carefree, indulging in excess without a second thought for others.

But in this life, I have strong, meaningful relationships with my sisters, so I like to think I wasn’t being punished for how I treated them in the past. In another life, I might have been tall, fit, and good-looking. Maybe I didn’t stutter. Maybe I wasn’t shy or introverted. Maybe I was loved but took the love for granted.

I'm the kindest, most loving, attentive, and empathetic person I can be. The best son, brother, friend, uncle, employee I can be. I hope that by living this way, I can create a better path for myself—in the next life.

 In this life I am currently 62. I'm too old for the things I dream of-

currently listening to The Beautiful Ones, by Prince

someone to check up on me

One of the things I really appreciate about my newly-discovered sister Leslie, who lives in The Bronx, is that she calls and texts me several times a day.

Before we reconnected, I used to worry about dying in my sleep. Since no one called or texted me regularly or wouldn't be concerned if they haven't heard from me, I always imagined my landlord would be the first to discover I was gone—probably around the 5th of the month when the rent was late.

Now that Leslie and I are in touch, I told her that if I don’t respond to her calls or texts after a while, she should call again. And if she still doesn’t hear from me, I asked her to let my sister Cheryl know, so she can come check on me to make sure I’m okay—or to confirm the worst.

I even gave Leslie a list of people to notify in case I pass away.

& 

some instructions. 

currently listening to Smokie Norful - I Need You Now

Posting this for me

like all my other blog posts,

 no one will see it.

           but me. 

'If you're looking for me,

I'm done.'

The Heavy Quiet

 

Sometimes, the heaviest burdens are the words left unspoken, lingering in the spaces between us, quietly shaping the course of our lives.

-me

currently listening to Playa Playa, by D'Angelo

1% better everyday

 Progress isn't about perfection—it's about striving to be just a little better than yesterday, every single day.

-me

The Shadows Within

 

You can't outrun your problems because they live in the shadows of your mind; wherever you go, they follow, waiting for the moment you stop to catch your breath.

-me

Currently listening to  [It's Just] Your Love, by Aretha Franklin

The Weight of Unsaid Words

 Sometimes there's a scream inside my head that says, "Love me. Why don't you show or say that you love me?" But showing my love through actions seems sufficient enough and important enough to keep the peace, so that is what I do. Meanwhile, my own need for affection goes unspoken, overshadowed by the constant effort to please. In this dance of uneven expectations, I've learned to find contentment in giving, even as I silently yearn for what I cannot receive.

-me

Currently listening to Wildchild - Party Up (prod. Madlib) (instrumental) 

Balancing Compassion and Karma: When Helping Might Hurt

We want to be helpful to people in their time of need, 

but it's important to recognize that some situations may be the result of their 

own

karma.

-me

currently listening to: I couldn't keep it to myself-Tony Toni Tone

Note To Self- Staying True to Yourself: Navigating Emotional Reactions

Your actions and emotional responses are within your control, even if others' reactions aren't. Stay true to your principles and continue pursuing what you believe is right. Remember that some people's reactions may not accurately reflect your worth or the value of your efforts. Focus on your own integrity and growth rather than seeking validation from every response you receive.

 - me

currently listening to:  Ordinary Pain, by Stevie Wonder

Note to Self-Reflect and Acknowledge: The Power of Self-Validation

Reflect on the good you do and acknowledge it for yourself. Sometimes we need to be our own source of validation. 

 -me

currently listening to  Get on up, by Jodeci

That Part

 

If Not For People Who Can't Keep Secrets, You Might Still Be Socializing With Those Who Say Mean, Hurtful Things About You Behind Your Back. 

-me 

On Protecting Your Heart

You can't make someone love you by giving them more of what they already 

don't

Appreciate.

Note to self- Honor Your Right to Protect Your Spirit

 

Your first and foremost job is to take care of you. Everything else comes second.

 - D. Simone

Our spirit is the deepest, truest part of us. It's the seat of our emotions, our inner light, our sense of self. When our spirit feels seen, valued and nurtured, we walk with confidence and strength. But when our spirit is continually battered or bruised, we can lose touch with who we are. That's why it's so important to honor your right to protect your spirit.

What does it mean to protect your spirit? It means being aware of people and situations that are toxic or draining and limiting your exposure to them. It means speaking up when a boundary has been crossed, whether that's a hurtful remark or a betrayal of trust. Protecting your spirit means creating space in your life for activities that spark joy, inspire you, and make you feel whole.

Honoring your right to protect your spirit may require making difficult but necessary changes:

• Ending toxic relationships, even if they are longstanding ones. Consider if the good still outweighs the soul-crushing aspects.
• Reducing time with people who leave you feeling diminished. Don't continue subjecting yourself to their energy-draining ways.
• Letting go of resentments and anger that bind your spirit to past hurts. Forgiveness can be for you, not them.
• Creating healthy boundaries with work, family and friends. Know your limits and when to say no.
• Making self-care a priority, not a luxury. Do what nurtures your spirit daily.

Protecting your spirit is not about ego or selfishness. It is about self-preservation of your inner light and peace. No one else can define your worth or dictate how you should be treated. Honor what your spirit needs to thrive.

When you consistently take action to protect the sanctity of your spirit, you will attract more love and positivity into your life. You will feel confident, empowered and resilient. 

 Shine on.

Currently listening to Shalamar-There It Is

The Top 5

 most beautiful women in the universe, in order, starting with:

Deborah Ayorinde

Nadine Ellis

Halle Berry

Nicole Ari Parker

Salli Richardson-Whitfield

Note to Self- Practicing Detachment

 

It’s likely we’ve all been on the receiving end of a hurtful remark at some point in our lives. Maybe it was a careless comment from a friend or family member, or perhaps something more purposefully cruel from someone we don’t know well. Whatever the case, in the moment these words can cut deep and make us feel small, embarrassed, or ashamed.

When confronted with hurtful remarks, it’s natural to want to react or try to defend yourself. But fighting back often escalates the situation. There is a different approach you can take to help diffuse the pain of the moment and prevent lingering hurt - practicing detachment.

What is detachment? It means separating your emotions from the offending words or actions of another person. Detachment allows you to step back and view the remarks more objectively, without taking them so personally. It’s understanding these comments likely have little to do with you, and much more to do with the other person.

Some ways to practice detachment when faced with hurtful remarks:

• Recognize the comments stem from the other person’s issues, wounds, or projections - not your own flaws or worth. Their words are informing you about their state of mind more than your value.
• Don’t try to argue or convince them to see your point of view. Chances are high they are speaking from an emotional reactive place, not an open-minded space.
• Don’t dwell on the remarks or exaggerate their meaning. The urge to ruminate comes from making it personal. View it as impersonal behavior happening at that moment, which you happened to witness.
• Use protective mental images such as an invisible shield around you deflecting the hurtful words before they can sink in. Or imagine yourself as a mountain - solid and unmoved by passing storms.
• Affirm your own value. Remind yourself “This comment does not define me or my worth.”

With practice, detachment allows you respond calmly in the moment, without compromising your boundaries or feeding into the dynamic. You recognize the other person’s cruelty or carelessness says far more about them than it could ever say about you. Your sense of self remains intact.

Does detachment come easy? For most of us, it requires diligence and conscious effort. But it is a invaluable skill that helps diffuse conflict and protects your spirit from toxic barbs. With time, you can learn to let the hurtful remarks of others simply bounce off the shield of your own inner light.

-me

Currently listening to  J Dilla - Beat 27 (Another Batch)

Be Careful

 In the intricate fabric of life, those who weave webs of deceit and make it a habit of speaking ill of others regularly should not be astonished when, at the end of their journey, they find themselves facing a destination far from the pearly gates. For the seeds of negativity sown in the hearts of others often become the bitter harvest that shapes one's eternal path.

-me