Changes

I need to do something different. 

More different than anything I've done since I arrived here in Oregon 7 years ago. 

I'm a good guy.

I'm a good friend.

I'm reliable. 

I'm the most receptive,

                   the most empathic person I know. 

but I'm also the loneliest person I know

especially on nights like tonight, New Years Eve.

I've spent it alone 7 years in a row.

I need to do something different. 

Nothing I've done here to bring about positive change has succeeded. 

I've rid my life of fake people,

I've strengthened my friendships with the real ones.


I go to bed by 11 pm every New Years Eve so that when I wake up in the morning it's the next year.

(and every friday and most saturdays, to be honest)

I want to help bring in the new year next year.

I haven't found any women of color with whom I am mutually attracted. 

I need to do something different. 
                 


I need to move away. 

It's11pm.

Goodnight.

A CAKE SUPREME'S Top 15 (at least) for 2014

20- LAVENDAR LEMON CUPCAKE

19  CHAMPAGNE RASPBERRY CUPCAKE

18.  BROWNIE CUPCAKE  WITH BLUEBERRY CREME FROSTING

17   OREO & PEANUT BUTTER STUFFED RED VELVET CUPCAKES

OREO & PEANUT BUTTER STUFFED RED VELVET CUPCAKE

16 JACKFRUIT CAKE WITH VODKA

15   AVOCADO CHOCOLATE CHIP

14 BANANA  CUPCAKE WITH  MACADAMIA NUT BUTTERCREME FROSTING

13 OREO BISCUITS

12 HAZELNUT BUNDT CAKE

11 MOROCCAN ORANGE CUPCAKES, HALF WITH ORANGE MARMALADE, HALF WITH CREAM CHEESE FROSTING AND ORANGE ZEST

10. 60 MINI STRAWBERRY CUPCAKES

9  OREO & PEANUT BUTTER STUFFED BROWNIE CUPCAKES

OREO & PEANUT BUTTER STUFFED BROWNIE CUPCAKE

8 CHAMPAGNE BLUEBERRY MINI BUNDT CAKE

7  VANILLA CUPCAKES WITH BANANA CREME FROSTING

6 CHAMPAGNE RASPBERRY CUPCAKES WITH VANILLA BUTTERCREME FROSTING AND BLACK RASPBERRY COMPOTE

5.  DOUBLE CHOCOLATE CUPCAKE

4  CHOCOLATE BREAD

3  KEY LIME CUPCAKES WITH WHITE CHOCOLATE CHIP FROSTING AND LIME ZEST

2    CRISPY BACON CINNAMON ROLLS

1.   SWEET POTATO BISCUITS

Sweet Potato Canneles w/ Creme Fraiche

DARK CHOCOLATE KAHLUA MINI BUNDT CAKE

MAPLE BACON CAKE

HAZELNUT TEA BREAD

-Mavis Staples

without her

i'm re-routing. heading in another direction. including everyone on my new journey minus one person-someone i thought would be with me through to the end. i've had to kick her out and find another path in order to keep her from dragging her negative bullshit behind. 

 i wish her well though.

Christmas Prayer

Dear Lord,

What can I start doing now, to assure that on Christmas 2015 I will not have to spend another Christmas alone?

-Chic

'when you're by yourself,
minus
someone else'

Merry Christmas!

cast members at the end of the movie "This Christmas" doing the Soul Train's line to Marvin Gaye's song, "Got to give it up"

Never piss off a writer

As an aspiring poet and short story writer, I'm fond of reminding people: Never piss off a writer. A writer can immortalize an enemy by killingly them gruesomely, lingeringly, before lots  and lots of readers.

(It's very satisfying.)

I'm working on a novella  called The Elliptical. Someone I loved who had been cruel to others turned their cruelty my way and shook me up and broke my heart. I'm still shaking about it (and having shed quite a few tears).
What she did was give me the ammunition needed to turn this story around and make it more powerful than I ever imagined.  And when it's published via Amazon Kindle, people will basically see her for what she is in doors- the complete opposite of the Christian she claims to be outside.

The problem now is, I'm overwhelmed with so many ideas of torture and I don't know which one to use. I know I don't want a quick death.  She was good at telling certain people  'you don't deserve to die quickly. You deserve a slow death to the point that you beg to be put down.'   

 Yes, she said that.

That's the kind of punishment I will implement.  Something nice and slow.




Stay Tuned

Freddie Joachim - Patterns Vol. 2

Freddie Joachim - Patterns Vol. 1

There is a woman

There is a woman at the beginning of all great things.
--Alphonse de Lamartine

 

-Quote

When asked why he  is so  giving and nurturing  and loving,

he said,

"I've learned the cost of not loving enough."

- Anonymous

On Aiming Higher

The greatest danger for most of us is not that we aim too high and we miss it, but we aim too low and reach it."
-Michelangelo

#sometruth2this

There is no disguise which can hide love for long where it exists, or simulate it where it does not.
--Francois de La Rochefoucauld

 

This is a repost

Why God Created Woman from Man’s Rib

It’s amazing how God made man, and so beautiful how he made woman!  When I was a kid I asked my mom  why did God create Woman from Man’s rib, when He could have simply created her from dust, as He did Man? She didn't have the answer.  This is a story that puts a beautiful touch on the reasoning that I found on a friend's site today:

“When I created the heavens and the earth, I spoke them into being. When I created man, I formed him from the dust of the Earth and breathed life into his nostrils. But you, woman, I fashioned after I breathed the breath of life into man because your nostrils are too delicate. I allowed a deep sleep to come over him so I could patiently and perfectly fashion you. Man was put to sleep so that he could not interfere with the creativity. From one bone I fashioned you. I chose the bone that protects man’s life. I chose the rib, which protects his heart and lungs and supports him, as you are meant to do.”

“Around this one bone I shaped you. I modeled you. I created you perfectly and beautifully. Your characteristics are as the rib, strong yet delicate and fragile. You provide protection for the most delicate organ in man, his heart. His heart is the center of his being; his lungs hold the breath of life. The rib cage will allow itself to be broken before it will allow damage to the heart. Support man as the rib cage supports the body. You were not taken from his feet, to be under him,nor were you taken from his head, to be above him. You were taken from his side, to stand beside him and beheld close to his side.  Adam walked with me in the cool of the day and yet he was lonely. He could not see me or touch me. He could only feel me. So everything I wanted Adam to share and experience with me, I fashioned in you: my holiness, my strength, my purity, my love, my protection and support. You are special because you are the extension of me.” 

“Man represents my image, woman – my emotions. Together, you represent the totality of God. So man: treat woman well. Love her, respect her, for she is fragile. In hurting her, you hurt me. What you do to her, you do to me. In crushing her, you only damage your own heart, the heart of your Father and the heart of her Father. Woman, support man. In humility, show him the power of emotion I have given you. In gentle quietness show your strength. In love, show him that you are the rib that protects his inner self.”

This is a repost.

Awkward

D'Angelo - Lady ft. Spanky, Saadiq, Ali Shaheed & ?uestlove

- D'Angelo 'Prayer'

Method Man, Redman - Y.O.U.

Busta Rhymes Talks About Working With Janet Jackson

#mjb

Le Nègre et la Psychopathologie

In the colonial context the settler only ends his work of breaking in the native when the latter admits loudly and intelligibly the supremacy of the white man's values.
- Frantz Fanon, The Wretched of the Earth -

I saw this quote on my blogging buddy Dawna's page Because it Matters. The truest saddest deepest quote I read this week. I had to share it.

Thursday Throwback