Disappear.

 Today, I ran into a friend I hadn’t seen since the 1990s.

His name is Rusty. He was surprised to see me and even more surprised to learn I now live in Milwaukee. We knew each other back when I lived in Madison. Rusty, my best friend Steve, and I were inseparable in those days—they were my two closest friends.

Steve moved to California in 1991, and I moved to Maryland in 1997. Steve and I kept in touch over the years, but staying connected with Rusty was a challenge. He never returned my calls after Steve moved away. 

This evening, January 2, 2025, I was walking into the Pic ‘N Save on Humboldt Street when Rusty was walking out. He saw me first and called my name. At first, I didn’t recognize him, but the sound of his voice brought it all back.

He looked genuinely happy to see me. We made small talk, catching up briefly. He mentioned that the last he’d heard, I had moved to Maryland. I told him about my life since then, and he started reminiscing about the old days—how he, Steve, and I hung out all the time and the crazy adventures we shared.

“Wow,” Rusty said, shaking his head. “That was over 30 years ago. I wonder how Steve’s doing.”

“He’s doing great,” I said casually.

Rusty blinked in surprise. “You still keep in touch with him?”

“Yeah,” I said. “We always have.”

Rusty looked stunned. “I haven’t heard from him since he moved to Laguna Niguel in the 1990s. When was the last time you talked to him?”

“About an hour ago,” I replied.

Rusty couldn’t hide his shock. “You’ve been in touch all this time?”

“Yep,” I said. “The last time I tried to reach you was not long after Steve moved. I left you a voicemail, but you never responded. Steve said he hadn’t heard from you either since leaving Wisconsin.”

After a pause, Rusty asked for my contact information.

I smiled politely and said, “No, I’m good. Thanks, though. Take care.”

With that, I grabbed a cart and went on with my shopping.

Friendships, I’ve realized, are not meant to be one-way streets. Communication requires effort from both sides, a mutual desire to stay connected. Over the years, I’ve found that when I stop reaching out to certain people, I never hear from them again. It’s a hard truth to accept, but one that has helped me prioritize the relationships that truly matter—the ones where the effort is reciprocated.

currently listening to Rollercoaster, by October London