i hope there was a reckoning

(my mother passed) a year ago

and i 

   often wonder—

across these 62 years—

 if my bloodmother ever saw 

   how i was treated

(did she imagine

    a reckoning in heaven 

      a moment to confront

 the friend she entrusted me to;

regret rising in her voice as she recalled

    handing me over

before i was 1?)

i don’t know the full story

but i believe 

she thought she was making 

          the best decision

not by seeking parents

but by trusting someone she knew

 maybe

    that trust was misplaced

maybe l(ove) 

   when handed off without clarity

becomes someThing else      

       entirely

- me