Alone out there

Being home and ill  for a few days,  Saturday was my first time outside since Tuesday. I haven't been sick in over 40 years. That's right; 40 years, but I have a housemate who infected the entire house with  months and months of his coughing all over the place. He  finally went to the dr last week and was diagnosed with pneumonia. My other housemate and the landlord, like myself, went to the dr and we all have Bronchitis.  I haven't eaten from Tuesday to Saturday. I've lost 8 lbs.   Besides sleeping alot I've been catching up on everything my Dvr  records and also Netflix. I wasn't in the mood to write.  I've had a lot of time to think about things. About people.

And you know what? If you were starving, I would feed you without you even having to ask. If you even mentioned that you liked the cakes I bake, I would bake you one for free without you even having to ask. If you even mentioned wishing you could find  gluten-free versions of my cakes, I would make one for you for free, and send it to you, without you even having to ask. If you were unemployed, I would forward you links for employment opportunities that come to my email. If you were interviewing, I would ask to be used as a reference before you even ask me. If you were ill, I would call or text regularly just to see how you're doing. The same thing, if you or a family member were seriously ill or dying. I will call you or instant message you too often. If you were in the hospital, I might even send flowers or balloons. Every mothers day, I've been known to call the mothers of close friends to wish them a happy mothers day.  That's the type of person I am.
Of those that know I was ill this week (my 250+' friends' on facebook and family members I texted earlier in the week) the only two to check up on me are my mother, and my friend Billal, and he lives in Saudi Arabia.  Other then them, the phone did not ring. I didn't get the notify of a text or email, Facebook status update, or Facebook Instant Message. I go to lunch with a couple friends on thursdays. Thursday has come and gone, and even they failed to call or text. With all the drama in Billal's life, he called me 4 times since monday.

I could die right now, and it would take a week for the first few people who would wonder what happened to me - my boss and my landlord.  And other than those two, it would be my mom who would be pissed that I hadn't returned her calls within 5 minutes of her leaving a voice mail. Other than those three,  it would be Billal. Other than those four it would be someone who only knows I exist when they have a taste for one of my cakes. Other than that, months-years can pass before my absence is even noticed. 

And that's how I will live my life, as if my existence is only of importance to me. I'm probably being over-dramatic because I'm sick and I'm pissed that no one is as thoughtful as I am,  but I'm not going to care about the well-being of any one besides my mom and my friend Billal. I aint giving a shit about anyone else from this point on.