Note to self

I had an interesting dream this morning that I’m convinced was a message God was giving me. From what I recall, it was dark and I had a girlfriend. She was angry with me about something, I don’t recall why. She was out in the backyard, where some of our mutual friends were, and I knew she was talking about me, and so I went out to the yard to see that she was telling everyone about something terrible I had done. Everyone was sitting in chairs in a row, facing her, as she spoke from the back porch.

I managed to grab her and pull her inside the house and I asked her why she was angry with me. She then thanked me for doing all the cooking for her friends and making her favorite cakes. Then I asked her about another guy she was seeing, and she wouldn’t admit to it, but she wanted to thank me for treating her 10 children like they were my flesh and blood, that I was a really good dad to her kids even though they’re not mine, and I asked her if she was dating another man while I was raising her 10 kids that she had with other men before me. She wouldn’t admit to it, but she started laughing, which told me all I needed to know. Then instead of being a man, I fell to the floor and began wallowing like a pig in mud. I was crying, and I remember thinking, in my dream- why am I on this dirty wooden floor crying while she’s standing there? Why am I not dealing with the situation? Why don’t I get up?

Then my alarm clock rang and I woke up. 

After I said my morning prayer, I began to wonder about the dream. I wondered if God was telling me that I wasn’t facing my demons the way He would like for me to face them, or if it was time that I faced them.  I know that I tend to not face my problems head on, but do I procrastinate too much? I think I do. I think it’s time for me to stop being fearful, to stop putting off for tomorrow what needs to be dealt with today, appropriately and promptly.

Note to self.