Spiraling up

Over the weekend I received a letter from an adoption specialist at the agency that received my records after the adoption agency that represented me had closed down: she seems excited about helping me discover my biological background. I called today and left a voicemail. I'm hoping that by helping me "discover my biological background", it means she will help me locate the woman who brought me into this world, my siblings ( I discovered I have an older sibling, don't know if it's a brother or sister), and perhaps my father. Hopefully I am one step closer, in this spiral, to discovering who I am.  If New York State didn't have sealed records laws, and if my mom wasn't so scared I'd not love her any more, I would have found out when I discovered I was adopted.

All I want for Christmas is ...

1. A Kitchen Aid 5 Quart Artisan Mixer in purple or red, with all the attachments.
2. For my mom to tell me everything she knows about my adoption.

That's it. 

One costs about $400, and the other is free.  If  I had to pick one I'd take the latter. The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, without her getting defensive every time I bring it up.

 

12 Things you didn't know about me



a tattoo of my birth name Alex, phonetically spelled,on my rightarm, in Farsi



I can speak Jamaican Patois fluently.

I'm ambidextrous.

I haven't had a cold or the flu since I was a child. I have never taken a sick day because I was sick.

used to sleep so deeply that when I was a kid my mom once called 911 because she thought I was dead.

I've had an unexplainable obsession with Persian culture since I was about 8. My mother, scared that my best friend John and his family might have been trying to convert me to Islam, forbid me from having anything to do with him, his family, or any other Muslim kids in school. My guess is that her fear of their culture intrigued me more.

The closest I ever got (or will ever get) to Halle Berry was by being her then-husband Eric Benet's workout partner at the MilwaukeeYMCA whenever he was in town. We worked out about a dozen times when he was married to her. Yes, I stalked her through him. Whats the big deal? :)

During my search for my birth mother, I found out that I have an older sibling, gender unknown.

My mom won't discuss it but my older cousin and my aunts told me that my mother knew my birth mother and that she was West Indian.

I used to sleep so deeply that when I was a kid my mom once called 911 because she thought I was dead.

My mother envies my sister's and my ability to cut people off completely, as if they never existed, once they've done us wrong for the 2nd time; alot of my mother's conversations with me involve people who consistently do her wrong.

I have a son  who lives in Venezuela with his partner.His mother hasn't spoken to him since he came out of the closet at 17. That was 13 years ago. I found out when he was 17 that he wasn't my son biologically. His father was a friend of mine, from church.  He denied having had sex with the mom and insisted on getting DNA tests. He was a match. He hasn't spoken to him since he got the results. As far as we're both concerned,  I have a son,  and he lives in Venezuela. And I love him as if he carried my DNA. The way mother loves me.

Because I had a really bad speech impediment, I had gone to speech pathologists from 1st grade through to 12th grade. British and Jamaican professionals who taught me how to speak. As a result, I speak remarkably different from anyone else in my family. The stuttering is hardly noticeable.

Everyone I have ever dated for long periods has returned, telling me they didn't apprecuiate my being nice to them, that  they 'do now', begging me to take them back. I haven't taken back any of them.

The Chosen

What do I have in common with:



JESUS
Babe Ruth
Bo Diddley
Deborah Harry
Malcolm X
Steve Jobs
Scott Hamilton
Marilyn Monroe
Melissa Gilbert
Faith Hill
Jamie Foxx
Jesse Jackson
Edgar Allan Poe
Daunte Culpepper
Eleanor Roosevelt
Leo Tolstoy
John Lennon
M o s e s
Nancy Reagan
Nat King Cole
Nelson Mandela
President Gerald Ford
President William Clinton
Priscilla Presley
Ray Liotta
Tim McGraw
Tommy Davidson
Victoria Rowell
George Washington Carver
Sarah McLachlan
Aristotle
Edward Albee
Langston Hughes
Christina Crawford
       ?

we were adopted.

Did you also know Jesus was adopted? It's often easy to forget that Joseph was Jesus' earthly father — they had no biological connection but the relationship was very significant and real.


In the movie Mommie Dearest,  Joan Crawford told Christina, "adopted children are luckiest because they were chosen."  


I feel humbled and honored to be part of this group. I, too, was chosen, and I feel lucky. And blessed. My mom chose me at 11 months of age...she said I was ill, and no one wanted me. But she did. Why, she doesn't know. She said she loved me the second she saw me. And the rest is history.




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