There, i said it.

      I'm tired of making an effort. 

Not just an effort, but efforts. 

                                I'm tired of making efforts. 

Stephanie Mills - Something In The Way (You Make Me Feel)

Same Shit, Different Year

Being told not to celebrate Thanksgiving with people this year due to Covid is something I won't have to worry about, since that's how I usually spend the holiday anyway.

The look on my face....

When I promote @acakesupreme locally via facebook, instagram, twitter and email, constantly trying to encourage people to place orders, and all I get are hearts and likes and compliments about how delicious something looks but no orders; and I get requests to make something for free for a birthday gift.--

via GIPHY

George Michael .... Older

FINIS

People will stop doing nice things when it's determined that what they do is not being appreciated. 

-me. 

Currently reading

 

In one of my Facebook rooms someone posted about his being on an entertainment show in Canada promoting this book. I had to buy it. 

A New Path

So, 

my job ends next week, on the 29th. It was inevitable, and I have Covid 19 to thank for it. My company is reducing its staff by 8-15%. While some in my department and sales were let go on the 29th of September, I was given 30 days, which I appreciate because it's given me time to hurry up and either find something new or something else. 

On that date, I will be officially done with Insurance. That's right. I am done. I want nothing to do with the industry. Lots of my friends have taken multiple career paths in their attempt at finding something that 'clicks'; something that they can be proud of, something that makes them happy. 

I could never be proud of jacking up insurance rates for new group quotes or at renewal for people with serious medical conditions, in the hope that they would go else where since it's illegal to deny a quote. I remember, a few decades ago, when I was working in Madison, Wisconsin. An enrollee who insisted on finding my name and number anyway she could, called me, crying, because her employee fired her. Her son was a hemophiliac and incurred hundreds of thousands of dollars in prescription claims and the group's renewal rate almost doubled, and her family not being on the plan would cause a reduction in the renewal rates. She wasn't told that she was the reason for the substantial renewal increase but she suspected her son was the reason. I felt so bad but there was nothing I could say or do. That stuck with me. I think about that, every time I have to increase rates substantially at renewal time, or when I received a proposal for insurance and I either see a high claim or a medical condition with the potential for high, chronic claims. 

I'll be starting a Mortgage Underwriting job in a couple weeks. I'm glad that some companies agree with me that my skills are transferable to other kinds of jobs. I'm going to give this career path a try. In the meantime, I'll continue working on my side hustles (baking and writing). I'm not even worried.

I'm relieved. 

One day it just clicks

Okay?

Spacek - Eve - Feat. Frank n Dank (J Dilla Remix)

Angela Winbush...Too Good to Let You Go

Steely Dan...Black Cow

The Effects Of him.

 1962.

him; 

 don't forget the bottles of muscatel

 clanking empty

 in yards of broken champagne flute glasses 

 and lost memories of celebratory toasts;

empty.

 slobbering stammering and stuttering a language

; 

the C' word.

in a pitch low enough

 that only other alcoholics can interpret. 

in a pitch high enough

 that only other dogs can hear. 

brought into this world in handcuffs,

still I stutter;

a life in restraints. 

shy by history.

(begins with a C')

him;

This giant of a man.

 At five feet seven. 

Back in the 50's (he,

 who has been found drunk,in ditches in Memphis)

1969

Don't bother mom; 

She's busy doing twice what you're too drunk to do once.

 work. 

love.

And he may hurt me even more when she ain't around.

I'm no fool.

I'll be quiet

(no, not me. Him. Begins with a C')

You see, there is history in these handcuffs.

There is pain.

the truth. 

there is blood, 

but there are no screams-that's for sissies.

let's not forget the small green bottles hidden in pockets of suits and winter coats at Deliverence Evangelical Church, New York, New York

:

the back turned slightly.

 the contents quickly swallowed while mom obliviously praises God.

but I'm praising God too, 

with one eye 

and I see everything he did.

 But God is omnipotent. 

Praise Him!

the clapping which was not for support.

( God,please get me out of the audience )

The "C word.

We laugh 

We cry

We're in the audience 

But sis has a different interpretation of what we're both observing

                         / I must have done something wrong.

                           apparently I must have asked to be born 

                           to whom I was born/

before I was born 

(God, remove my restraints)

Now,

Learning everything 

by Listening to big bunches of nothing 

From enemies who are close friends of each other 

In time of need going their separate ways after bartime,

But sister, playing with dolls in the living room says to me 

 'leave my daddy alone.' 

while the back of my neck is pressed down to keep my back bent over the ironing board 

as the other hand holds a thick black leather belt to slam against my naked ass while the supremes song, 'where did our love go?' is playing on the radio,

 the beat-down is only interrupted by the announcement that Martin Luther King Jr was just shot..

The effects of him. of him and those damn bottles...

&

if he stood still for a minute and listened 

& watched 

&cared,

he could have heard the slow seeping out of what ever volume of love my little heart contained.

I petitioned.

I begged for compassion. 

In between slaps and scalding hot baths.

In between humiliation,

 emasculation 

and degradation.

Cirrhosis; 

that's it.

The effects of him. 

slap 1 across the face back hand 

slap 2 across the face

slap 3 a bath in scalding water. Steam rising off the ankles. 

slep 4 

slap 5 you damn sissy

slap 6 damn mama's boy

slap 7 

slap 8 Shut up! Don't be a sissy!

Slap 9 back hand slap

Be a man!

10 years old.... 

Applause.

And.

Curtains.

End scene...

I was brought into this world in handcuffs 1962 1972 1982 1992 1996 may he rest in peace 2000 2001 2002 2003 handcuffs still on 

(where's the key?) 

2004 

handcuffs off

Christopher Cross - Never Be The Same

Janet Jackson Ft Q Tip "Got Till Its Gone" Remix Pro. J Dilla

Simple as that.

No response is a response. 

I Learned Something New Today

 Everyone who knows me knows how I feel about Oregon.

13 years ago today, I moved from Wisconsin to accept a job in Portland, Oregon.  A coworker asked if I made the right decision, and I thought it for a minute, and this came to me:  "I think it was, only because when I lived in Wisconsin I couldn't get away from the icy, frigid temperatures fast enough. Having lived here, I now appreciate Wisconsin. Wisconsin is more than it's subzero temperatures. Wisconsin is family, and I miss them more than anything. So i'm glad I moved, because if I hadn't, I might have been in Wisconsin all this time, focusing more on the climate than my family."

And it occurred to me, that no, I don't regret the move at all. I'm glad I moved.

Thanks

Dear GOD,

I don't know what your plans are for me,  but I'm excited about whatever it is.

Thank You 

this.

Jaguar Wright ft Bilal I can't wait

Higher

this.

Big Sean - Story By Stevie Wonder (Audio)

I felt this. I tear up, everytime I hear it

If This World Were Mine - LIVE ON THE FLY

Kendrick Lamar -Alright

"If God got us, then we gonna be alright..."

Ray Parker Jr & Raydio - For Those Who Like To Groove

Chadwick Boseman

Teyana Taylor - Still

Georgia Anne Muldrow - 'Overload' (Official Video)

CIARA ... Rooted

Prince and Nona Gaye

The Voorman Problem

Not in this life

but in my next life, If I'm lucky, this song will be playing in the background when I ask my love if she would please spend the rest of her life with me, as my wife

#thesamething

Sometimes, out of reach

 

“My eyes closed, hands open, Take it, take it. Then, every day wasted chasing it.”

― Laura Kasischke, Space, in Chains

Once this is over,

and when it's much safer to travel,

and we don't have to practice social distancing any more,

I intend to go to Mc Minnville to visit friends and their baby,

then Wisconsin to visit my mom,

but my vacation will be Toronto Ontario Canada.

I'm hesitant to take PTO time though,

because I'm actually trying to move back to Wisconsin. 

How about you?

Where do you plan to travel to, once its safe to do so?

Aaliyah - One In A Million Medley (BJ The Chicago Kid cover)

A choice?

 

this.

 

Tweet- Complain

Note to self

sometimes the universe opens a window so that you can climb out. 

 -Alisha, Black-ish

Amel Larrieux - Try Your Wings

currently reading

 I saw this book at Powell's Books last week, and I had to buy it. 

In the book I read about a woman who likes to bake cookies. She's an executive producer of a pupular youtube channel. She makes an average $2000 a month baking and selling cookies. She said "if you want to sell a food product, start with your family and friends first. They'll be your biggest cheerleaders. Expand out to different networks from there."

Yeah uhhuh. Good for her. 

I've got lots of cheerleaders, I got 2 facebook pages promoting my dessertrs, and almost 1,900 instagram followers. I get likes by the hundreds.  I bring baked goods to every social event I get invited to. I even give away some desserts with the hopes they will want to buy something in the future. I give away handfuls of business cards to people who ask for them.  I promote the hell out of my desserts on facebook with slideshows and facebook stories. I get lots of hearts and lots of "OMG your desserts look and taste delicious! You should start a business." (from the same people who know I have a business and never bought anything)

How many orders do I get per month?

ONE.

regularly, 

from the same person. 

O N E.

Sorry for venting.

Anyway, this is the book I'm currently reading. 

Jon Stewart Talks Political Accountability, Systemic Racism, His Movie ‘Irresistible’ + More

And there it is.

No one takes a sip of your suffering, but when it's to toast their victory, everyone wants to have a full glass."

björk : isobel (HD)

Note to Self

Remember, you have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.

Louise L. Hay

An Eye For An Eye

Being thoughtful hasn't gotten me any damn where.

I'm going to start treating people the exact same way they treat me. This may disappoint more than it will please.

Mo Kolours - In Her Eyes (Funk Heart)

Quote

“No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.”

― Nelson Mandela, Long Walk to Freedom

First they came for the socialists,

Martin Niemöller was born in the Westphalian town of Lippstadt, Germany, on January 14, 1892. In 1910 he became a cadet in the Imperial German Navy. With the outbreak of World War I in 1914, Niemöller was assigned to a U-Boat, of which he was eventually appointed the commander. Under the stipulations of the armistice of November 11, 1918, that ended hostilities in World War I, Niemöller and other commanders were ordered to turn over their U-Boats to England. Along with many others, Niemöller refused to obey this order, and was, as a consequence, discharged from the Navy.

Pastor Martin Niemöller

Pastor Martin Niemöller at his desk in his home. Berlin, Germany, ca. 1936.

• US Holocaust Memorial Museum, courtesy of Sibylle Niemoeller

In 1920, he decided to follow the path of his father and began seminary training at the University of Münster.

Niemöller enthusiastically welcomed the Third Reich. But a turning point in Niemöller's political sympathies came with a January 1934 meeting of Adolf Hitler, Niemöller, and two prominent Protestant bishops to discuss state pressures on churches. At the meeting it became clear that Niemöller's phone had been tapped by the Gestapo (German Secret State Police). It was also clear that the Pastors Emergency League (PEL), which Niemöller had helped found, was under close state surveillance. Following the meeting, Niemöller would come to see the Nazi state as a dictatorship, one which he would oppose.

The Quotation
Niemöller is perhaps best remembered for the quotation :

First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a socialist.

Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out— because I was not a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

Museum visitors in front of the Martin Niemöller quotation

Visitors stand in front of the quotation from Martin Niemöller that is on display in the Permanent Exhibition of the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum. Niemöller was a Lutheran minister and early Nazi supporter who was later imprisoned for opposing Hitler's regime.

• US Holocaust Memorial Museum

I saw this article, and I was reminded of those who messaged me in the wake of  George Floyd's death, to check in on me to see if I was okay; most of whom I had hardly connected with socially except for the occasional Facebook post. I've had to add Zoom, GoToMeeting, and Skype apps to communicate with my high school, college  and other friends and their families who insisted I have those apps to visually connect with them. I was really touched. 

5 steps

For every two steps I take

Life pulls me 3 steps back:

I'm trying to figure out how to take 5 steps. 

Mo Kolours - Banana Wine (Official Video)

Darren Aronofsky

I just got done watching this movie called 'Mother!'  It was completely bizarre and so over-the-top in it's horrific-ness that I didn't know if I should laugh or not, and so while watching the movie, I had to find the name of the director. Darren Aronofsky. I also discovered that he also directed one of my favorite movies The Fountain.  I decided I wanted to watch more of his movies.
And when I decided I wanted to watch more of his movies, I found a quote of his that bothered me; "Casting ethnic characters is a very hard thing to do, but it's important. It's also interesting."
Why would casting ethnic characters be a very hard thing to do?
Then I read articles about his unwillingness to cast non-white people in his movies, namely the movie Noah.  In his defense of his having an all-white cast for a movie about Noah and the Ark ( whom everyone knows is based in the Middle East) he said, "From the beginning, we were concerned about casting, the issue of race. What we realized is that this story is functioning at the level of myth, and as a mythical story, the race of the individuals doesn't matter." 
And so, if race doesn't matter, then default is white? 
This is why, in all the short stories I write, I give people of color a voice. About 99% of my characters are Black, and those that are not Black are Latino, Asian, Arabic or Persian.
I watched the entire movie Mother! but I won't be recommending it, or any movie Darren Aronofsky directed.

My friend Lawrence

I haven't heard from a friend in a while, and he hadn't responded to texts I had sent over the past month, so I called, and I got his voicemail. He had been on my mind for the past week, so I decided I would text his mom 2 days ago. She called me this morning, crying. She hadn't heard from him either but since they weren't close she just thought he was avoiding her. She said she had contacted all her kids, and no one had heard from him. She asked her daughter, who lives in the same city as he (Indianapolis)- to pay him a visit. There was an eviction notice on the door. She contacted his landlord and discovered he hadn't paid his rent for 2 months.


The landlord used his key to open the door and my friend Lawrence was found, dead on his sofa. He had drank himself to death. He had been dead for at least 6 weeks


and no one knew.


no one knew to check in on him, a friend, a brother, a son.


no one knew.

This.

Busta Rhymes & Mary J Blige /There's Only One

The Opening Of The Mouth

this is a repost

“Okay, time for bed,” Adina said to Wesley, her son. She looked over his shoulder to see what he was looking at on the computer screen. It troubled her. “Why are you looking up that word?”
“Aunt Naomi said you won’t tell me what it means so I decided to look it up. It was going to be my name. Does it make you upset?”
Adina pulled the plug out of the wall and the computer screen went black. “That big mouth of hers. I’m surprised she didn’t tell you what it meant. I told her to never mention that name again.”
“She said you were going to name me that.”
“Did you do your arithmetic?” Adina asked.
“You’re changing the subject.”
“ I can do that. Did you do your arithmetic?”
“I’m past arithmetic. I did my multiplication, on the ride home on the school bus. And before you ask, yes,I did my history and science homework too,” Wesley said as he went to the bathroom to brush his teeth.
She followed him.
“You know I’m the teacher’s pet in all my classes.”
She stood behind him as he looked at his self in the mirror. She smiled at him.
“I don’t know where you get your brains from, ‘cause your daddy and me, well, I barely got D grades, and your father flunked out when he when was in the 11th grade.” She ran her fingers along the direction of the waves in his hair. She looked at his dark black skin.
“Aunt Naomi said I don’t look anything like him.”
She kissed the crown of his head. “You have his eyes.”
Looking at his eyes as he stared at his reflection in the mirror, she remembered the last time she saw his father’s eyes. It was the evening she told him he was going to be a father; that she had been pregnant for three months and didn’t want to say anything until the beginning of the second trimester, since she had had miscarried within the first trimester, several times in the three years they had been married. She wanted to be careful this time. She remembered thinking that if looks could kill then she would have been pulverized within seconds. It confused her. She remembered their discussions about having a child, how he needed to get a better paying job so that they could move out of their apartment and get a house with a bedroom for a baby. Then she began to wonder if maybe she was doing all the talking and he was just listening. She watched as her son studied his reflection. “But you have my nose, my high cheekbones, you even have my forehead. Even when you frown, I see myself in you. You look like me and granddaddy mostly.” She wrapped her arms around him and gave him a big hug. “Sorry.”
“For what?” He asked, not looking back at her as he left the bathroom. She followed him to his bedroom, and she sat down on the right side of his bed as he walked over to the left side to get a book that was on his nightstand.
“Sorry for pulling the plug.”
“Read me a story,” he said.
She took a deep breath, watching her son as he lifted his legs onto the bed and pulled the covers over them. It’s time for him to know. No, it’s not. I should tell him. I wish Naomi would have kept her mouth shut. Damn. What if he asked me again? What will it hurt?I’m gonna have to explain it one of these days. No, I’m not—
“Mommy? Mommy? You all right?”
She looked at him suddenly, smiling. “Sorry, again.” She remembered what he had asked her.
“Once upon a time, there was this king, and he had a little boy named Wesley. Wesley was the strongest boy in all the land. He had a brother that was older than him, his name was Henry. Henry was jealous because even though he was older and better looking, or so he thought, he thought the girls would have liked him more, but no, they liked Wesley, because he was able to slay dragons that Henry would run away from.”
“My name was supposed to be Berihun. It’s Ethiopian for Let Him Guide Us,” he said, interrupting his mother.
Adina made a heavy sigh and began clenching her fists. That woman does not like me. I can’t believe she told him what we, well, what I was going to name him.
She started the story again, each word said more deliberately as if to serve an individual effect. This time she watched her son as he pulled the covers tightly up to his neck. She stood up, turned off his nightlight, and began pacing from his bedroom window to his bed. Each time she went to the window she looked outside. It was dark. They lived out beyond the city limits where the next neighbor was 5 miles away. In the darkness of the room, she looked at her son. “Once upon a time, there was this king, and he had a little boy named Wesley. Wesley was the strongest boy in all the land. He had a brother that was older than him, his name was Henry. He didn’t know Henry existed, but he showed up one day. Wesley was jealous because Henry was very very tall and very good looking, and all the girls began flocking to him and they wanted nothing to do Wesley. Wesley was humiliated. Even his mother began singing the praises of Henry, constantly asking Wesley why he couldn’t be more like his older brother. One day, Wesley decided to-”
“—Mommy I don’t like this story. It sounds mean, and scary.”
Adina ignored him. “One day, Wesley decided to kill himself. He couldn’t take it anymore, and he mentioned it to his best friend Sinclair. He thought Sinclair would be upset and would try to talk him out of it, but not only did Sinclair agree suicide was the best option , but he also suggested Wesley take a jump off of a cliff.”
“Sinclair wouldn’t do that! He’s my best friend! Wesley covered his face with his blanket. Talking with his face covered ,he yelled, “I told you, nothing scary!”
She ignored him again. “Once upon a time I had what I thought was a great marriage. I thought he loved me, but somewhere along the way, I realized he didn’t.”
Wesley removed the blanket from his face. He began to lay on his right side facing her. He took a deep breath. “Why would you do that?”
Adina didn’t respond.
“You blame me. I know you do. You always have.”
The silence angered Wesley. He took another deep breath before calmly saying, “I can tell a scary story too,” he said. “I know what scares you.”
“What scares me?”
“That you’ll never find a man who will love you as much as God or granddaddy or I do.”
This boy is smarter than I give him credit.
“How do you know?”
"I’m aware of a lot more than you think.”
God, only you know that. How did he know?
“Who are you?” Adina asked her son.
“Sometimes you think I’m asleep but I hear every word you say.”
“Who do you think you hear me talking to?”
“Granddaddy. I lay in bed, pretending to be asleep and I hear you both talking to each other.”
“I don’t talk to your father’s father.”
“I don’t know him. I mean granddaddy.”
“But my daddy’s dead. You know he’s dead. He died nine years ago when you were 2.”
“Why did you runaway to New York?”
“How did you know I ran away? Did you aunt Naomi tell you that?"
“She didn’t tell me. You were 17 at the time, he was 26, and you and daddy ran away from Mississippi to New York City and got married. Granddaddy was upset. He thought you were smart enough not to follow after some man, to a city you’ve never been before. Oh yeah, that’s right you were pregnant, but something happened to the baby after you got married. You miscarried? Is that what they call it when you lose a baby?”
Naomi didn’t know this. Henry and I kept this a secret. How the hell does he know?
“ Daddy didn’t want me.”
“That’s a lie!”
“You know Daddy didn’t want me.”
“He did! He was happy he was going to be a father. I promise!” Adina sat down on the side of the bed facing him. She extended her hand to caress his left cheek but she withdrew it, changing her mind.
“Then why did he hang himself the day after he found out you were pregnant again, with me, if he was so happy? You had come back from the store with a grocery bag. You found him hanging by a clothesline made into a noose, from the balcony and the bag fell to the floor, eggs cracking, a ketchup bottle breaking, creating what looked like a puddle of thick blood with shards of glass. The first thing you saw were his legs dangling in the air like dead fish. He was so happy that he had to hang himself?”
“You’re scaring me! How do you know this?”
He laughed at her.
“I told you I could scare you!”

--Alexgeorge

Black Coffee

I was watching a movie called Black Coffee,where at the end, everything was tied up in a pretty  black bow, and one cousin was thanking the other cousin for introducing him to the woman who would become his wife, and the cousin said no thanks was needed because all things happen for a reason. Had that first cousin not been fired, the other cousin who sells coffee, wouldn't have asked him to deliver coffee to his future fiancee- and I was thinking about myself- all things happen for a reason?

Where the hell is my wife, and why the hell am I living in Oregon? 

Notes to self

At some point in life we're all faced with a decision of whether to take a risk. Whether it's leaving a miserable job, moving to a different position that stretches you, starting your own business, or even taking on a tricky new assignment, greatness requires risk. Whether you succeed or fail, the act of taking a risk will stretch you and give you faith in yourself--and the confidence to do even more. Maybe we're meant to do things that scare us so we can build greatness in ourselves.

Allow these amazing quotes to dare you:

1. "Keep away from people who belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great." --Mark Twain

2. "When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be." --Lao Tzu

3. "Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go." --T. S. Eliot

4. "Many great ideas have been lost because the people who had them could not stand being laughed at." --Unknown

En isolation

La tour Eiffel

Arc de Triomphe

Paris Opera House

America.

City Council Speaker Corey Johnson said Thursday it is “shameful and shocking” that a shortage of safety gear at one Manhattan hospital forced desperate nurses to resort to wearing trash bags as protective gear as they treat coronavirus victims.   “It is insane than the wealthiest country in the world and in the wealthiest city in United States that our heroes that are in the front line, our health care workers, do not have all the personal protective equipment to protect themselves,” Johnson told CNN while referring to The Post’s front-page story about the stunning development at Mount Sinai West, near Columbus Circle.  “And to see those photos of nurses and doctors wearing garbage bags is shameful and shocking.” The stunning photo shared on social media shows three nurses at Mount Sinai West posing in a hallway while clad in large, black plastic trash bags fashioned into makeshift protective garb. One of them is even holding the open box of 20 Hefty “Strong” 33-gallon garbage bags they used to cloak themselves. Some have blamed the situation for the coronavirus death of a beloved colleague. “We need to protect these folks who are putting their lives on the line every single day away from their families, and we should have never been in this situation to begin with,” Johnson said. “We need a federal coordinated response to help us with the lack of personal protective equipment,” he added. “We need millions of N95 masks, millions of surgical masks, gloves and gowns and face shields and ventilators.”



- New York Post

The same normal

In the current Coronavirus era, where we're being asked to abide by stay-at-home rules implemented by the Governor, the president of the United States and healthcare professionals (and if you have common sense, you would do this anyway, for the health and safety of yourselves and those with whom you come in contact)  this doesn't change much of anything for me, socially. For example, this is Friday, and I'm sitting in front of the computer during working hours. Once 4:00 pm arrives, I'm going to log off.  Aside from going to the gym ( which I can't, in this era as all gyms are closed), I would go home and watch tv until I'm sleepy and I go to bed, like any other day. 

Just as if  coronavirus didn't exist.

People now complain alot about feeling lonely and isolated; this is the new normal for them, but being lonely is a way of life for me.

The End Of Days?

It may be sooner than we think.

Countries are closing their borders.

States- Countries are closing bars and banning all social events.

Restaurants are only providing carry out or delivery.

                         worlwide. 

The NBA, march madness, NHL closed for the season.

Churches, gyms are closed indefinitely.

Stocks have plummeted to its lowest level since... since ever.

Grocery store shelves are empty.

We are not to be within 6 feet of each other.



Around the world.

Are you prepared?  Are you ready?

Jay Electronica & Jay z really in here

Dorothy Dandridge Documentary (1998)

Olivier St.Louis - Dog In Man

Raphael Saadiq - Jimmy Lee (Documentary)

Ja'Net Dubois Jefferson's theme How the song was written

May she rest in peace

some people

some friendships are more fragile than others, but are fragile friendships really friendships?

some of my friendships end once I decide to stop initiating our method communicating. And by the way- my only reason for stopping is to see if they care enough me to ask why they haven't heard from me.

some, i never hear from again.

others will message me within a certain length of time, to check in on me.

i'm not talking about all friendships. i have a friend from high school, jimmy; we may connect once every 5 or 6 months, and we can catch up where we left off as if no time has passed. 

i'm talking about those i connect with regularly. those that i realize are fragile. those that i never ever hear from again.

i once had a group of friends that i hung out with regularly. every payday weekend we'd drive to either milwaukee or chicago and party it up. one day i wanted to see if i was inviting myself, so i didn't call any of them.  the very next payday weekend, they went to chicago. no one even called to check in on me to ask where i was or why i wasn't with them.  i got my answer.


communication is very important to me, and if people can't spare 5 seconds to text 'hey wassup' at the very least, that tells me so much about them. 

DESUS & MERO

Rissi Palmer ...Seeds

The RH Factor ..... Family

Whitney Houston - Fine (Official Music Video)

Jussayin'

u don't  have to be a Christian to behave like Christ. i have friends that don't even believe in the existence of a supreme being of any kind, and i have muslim, buddhist, and sikh friends as well, and they have proven to be more Christ-like to me in my moments of despair than those who know the Bible from Genesis 1:1  to Revelations 22:21, inside out, in english, spanish, german, french,  and latin. 

Ann Nesby-"I Get an Answer"

the rh factor - juicy

Janet, La Toya, and Rebbie

What I've started

I've started treating people the exact same way that they treat me.

I'm sure this will disappoint more people than it will please.
In their mind,
this may also end friendships that they have already ended

 by their initial silence

and inaction.

au revoir

To let go of that which no longer serves you. But through the act of letting go, we find our freedom. And that freedom is beautiful.

“May the petals teach me the art of letting go.” - Xan Oku.

Lisa Stansfield - All Around the World (Official Video)

That awkward moment

When a friend tells me he loves my facebook posts and pics of my desserts (though he never comments on them) and he knows baking is my side hustle, and he asks how my business is doing, and I tell him;
"it's not."

He looks confused, and he asks why.

I tell him, "because people are liking pics of my desserts but no one is buying anything."

Silence.