Merry Christmas, from John Boehner

To the large corporations, PACs and wealthy individuals who continue to purchase our congressional seats for us: Merry Christmas. Hallelujah! Jesus loves you!
So far we’ve held off any and all attempts by Democrats to raise your taxes. All we have to do is keep convincing tens of millions of gullible voters that you folks are the “job creators,” and that the teeniest little tax increase will jeopardize the economy. And these dumbfucks keep falling for it hook line and sinker. Hee hee hee.

Remember now, we’re always in campaign mode — 24/7/365. So keep those bribes, oops, campaign contributions pouring in, and we’ll continue to bend over at your every command.

To the rest of you — the 160 million lowly working-class types who keep whimpering about “Waaaahhh, what about a tax cut for US???” — don’t come crying to me. (That’s my department.) You peons don’t have enough political influence for us to care whether you get a tax cut or even whether you get to keep your homes or not. The banks own us; you don’t. And if the economy starts faltering again because you didn’t get your tax cut and weren’t able to stimulate the economy, that’s Barack Hussein Obama’s problem. Our multi-billion-dollar PR department will convince you dummies that the economic slowdown is Obama’s fault and not ours. Works every time.
And furthermore: This is America, the land of opportunity, personal initiative and individual responsibility. Pull your whiny asses up by your bootstraps, work harder, earn more money, and if you play your cards right, you’ll have a little extra money left over that you can contribute to our re-election campaigns. Then — and only then — will we care about you.
Got it??