How did I get here?

What made me decide to start a blog of my own?

I have to give credit to a friend who ironically, is no longer a friend. I used to always send her and other co-workers Bible scriptures or other inspirational quotes to fit their situation. I like how I feel when people send me encouraging words and so I try to do the same. Sometimes I think that perhaps that is my calling- to be the go to person for all things encouraging. But I have to admit that my attitude is based on the environment in which I was raised.
I was brought up in a Christian household, and one of my mother’s favorite sayings is “you reap what you sow.” She also informed my sister and myself, on many, many occasions, that God, being omnipresent, was watching us at all times even when she couldn’t. So, as a child I was always aware that I was being watched by God (if I my mother wasn’t around). I was also literally afraid to do anyone wrong and I decided to be as accommodating and as kind to people as I can possibly be, without being a doormat. I’ve always wanted good things to happen to me. My mother also says that when she dies, she would like for God to say to her, “well done, my good and faithful servant.” I want that as well. That’s why I have that Bible verse on my arm as a tattoo.
My first blog entry, titled “Start Anew” was based on the final episode of the first season of True Blood. Tara had told a mysterious social worker that she probably lost her job, all of her friends and that her mother disowned her, and that she had failed to see ‘this as an opportunity to start anew’ and the social worker said something that really stuck out in my mind. She said that ‘maybe life has cleared out all the things that weren’t working for her.’ I don’t think it’s life that does that. I think it’s God. I know it’s God. I prefer to think that it's God who clears out things that aren't working for me.
My first blog also mentions a sermon that my mother’s pastor preached. I called it The Prayer of Mathematics. I still recite it:

"Dear Lord,


Please subtract from my life, people who either don’t mean me well, or will prevent me in some way, from being who You and I want me to be, and to please add to my life, people who mean me well, and who will help me to be who You and I want me to be."

That was what I had initially wanted my blog to be about, loving oneself , having peace of mind, knowing who has your back and who doesn't, and accepting that bad things will happen in our lives, but if we keep the faith, it will all work out in the end. After the second entry though, I thought I should shut down the blog altogether. Another friend of mine said that the two entries sounded a bit preachy, which might turn people off. I do love God and I am proud of that, and I didn't want people to be turned off by what I had to say, so I stopped blogging. Then, a month later, that friend who encouraged me to blog, asked me why I had stopped. She said that she expected to read something inspirational and was disappointed to see that I hadn't written anything in a while. I was convinced that at least 2 people appreciated the things I liked to write about, so a month later, I began blogging again. This time it would be more than my love of God and how to be more effective. It would be about the human condition; love and life, my poetry, excerpts of my short stories, music, things important in black history, and the people and things I find to be beautiful. Those things lacking in my life, those things people (myself included) take for granted, the funny or stupid or racist things said to me or overheard, my attempts at political satire, and those things that are beautiful in general, like nature, the black family, the love a father has for his kids and the quality time he spends with them,  black women and children, people who were raised in single-parent homes and the parents who raised them, the things my father taught me by not being around, the things my mom and my grandfather taught me by always being around, etc,. My mother knows nothing about the internet, but if she came across my blog, I'd want her to like what she saw and read. If my 14 yr old nephew came across it, I'd want it to be something that I wouldn't be ashamed for him to have read. I wanted, and still do want, it to be like my personality. I want it to be spiritual, funny, sarcastic, respectful, humble, inspirational, newsworthy, insightful, and worth reading. And 999 entries later, like how I relate to new people, I always hope that in my absence, people are saying, "Alieux is a good/funny/sweet/smart/cool (fill in the blanks) guy, and he's a Christian. We need to invite him to hang with us more-" I want people to like what I have to say.

Thanks for reading!