SOULTIGHT

"Don't speak unless you can improve the silence..."

--New England Proverb

I have never been good at empty conversation, at talking just for the sake of filling the silence with words. I need substance, and so as a result, whenever I'm  invited to parties in which I might only know the host (or hostess), I am filled with dread. I panic. Since they are the host or hostess, they can't talk to me the whole time. they have to mingle as well. 

I was told  afterwards that I seemed standoff-ish and that black guy looked so intimidating, but that is so not the case. The people that know me laugh when people tell them this because they know I'm friendly and receptive and that I have a sense of humour, and they have never known me to be upset about anything, and the strangers that are  brave enough to talk to me will get conversation from me. But If there is no connection, I'm quiet, and not because I don't want to be bothered. I just struggle with what to say that they may be able to relate to, or something funny or profound, and since I can't think of anything, I'm quiet. It's a good thing that I bake, and when invited to parties, I'm always the one in charge of desserts which I do not mind because I love baking, and food is a great conversation piece. I love when people at parties want to talk to me about the cake or pies, sometimes have trouble using it as a segue to other things to talk about unless they're women that I find attractive ( in the case of today's party, every hot woman was there with their husbands or boyfriends). 

The host is a lawyer. most of the people at the party were lawyers or worked at his company as mechanical engineers, so they talked about--guess what? Law, and egnineering. Every now and then I was able to have good conversations- one of the engineers recognized me from past parties and remembered the pine-apple upside down cake I made at the last party a year ago. He really seem interested in my baking, and whether or not I liked Portland ( HATE Portland, but LOVE my job, so I'm staying) and we talked about the Midwest (I'm from Wisconsin, he's from Chicago), but then when his ex-girlfriend left, so did he, to go after her. She was the only hot woman there who was unattached. I lingered as long as I could stand it- trying to make other connections there, but I know nothing about law or engineering, and I'm not a fan of KISS or  other rock bands (ALWAYS the topics of discussion at EVERY one of my friend's parties) and the  Ducks Vs Beavers game  had ended an hour earlier, and since  I couldn't improve the silence at the party,  

I left.