Sometimes

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  People look for others to surrender while pretending to be supportive.
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   I wish I were taller.
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  I pretend that my cell phone dropped a call.
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  My alarm clock doesn’t alarm.
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  I actually remember to take the cell phone off ‘silent’ after work.
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  I can sleep right through a thunderstorm but will wake up if someone turns the TV off.
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  I forget how much I am loved by family and friends
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  People think before talking
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  I wonder if Portland is where I’m supposed to be
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  I wonder if I will ever have a group of black friends the way I did in Milwaukee, Dc, and Silver Spring Md.
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  I wonder why little white kids stare at me on the train (when I'm clean-shaven) until one of them will approach me to ask I was Emmet Smith
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  I wonder if I will be the next Langston Hughes or e.e. cummings.
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  Sometimes I wonder if I’m a reincarnation of e.e. cummings since he had died the month I was conceived.
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  I avoid people who ask me if I like Portland yet.
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  I love like how I look in the mirror
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  I’m good with my diet and exercise
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  I get bad feelings about something and the feelings become justified
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  I hate when people, over the phone assume I'm white, and then tell a racist joke
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  I have to remember that after I’ve handed my problems over to God, to not try to take them back
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  I wonder if Janet Jackson will ever have another hit album
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  I wonder if Prince will ever do music as great as the 1999 and Purple Rain Cds
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  I wonder if Lauryn Hill or D'Angelo will ever make a comeback
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  I hear Prince's instrumental Venus De Milo and I envision my bride walking down the aisle to the song.
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  I wonder if I should bake cakes on the side, to make extra money
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  I hate my guidance counselor in high school who talked me out of architectural school
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  I look back at how I got over my mental and physical abuse at the hands of my father
• I want to run as fast as I can or to scream as loud as I can but my voice is too deep
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  I’m bad with my diet and exercise
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  I wonder if everyone reaps what they sow in this life or the next
• I wonder if I was a rich white man who had many lovers in a previous life (the opposite of this one)